Let me start by saying that my inability to really take a breath, exhale and relax probably has a lot to do with things that happened when I was a child. I had some pretty traumatic and dramatic and violent things going on when I was growing up. I don’t know that I could have relaxed during that time – it all seemed too overwhelming and dangerous – and it probably was. However, as I grew older and did the work to heal those things and create a magical life, the edge I had developed to survive was still there. Sometimes it was way in the background of my thinking – but, when I felt threatened in any way – whether it was a real threat or something that reminded me of a threat, that controlling dynamic of mine came front and center.
I’ve probably worked the most on trying to deal with part of myself – because it is one of the things I dislike the most.
And then one day – my coach said to me, “Thea it is safe to relax.” And I burst into tears. I suppose I was crying for that young girl who really never could relax, and crying for all of the loss and pain I experienced, and crying for the years I spent holding tight when I didn’t need to, and crying for the people I had been edgy with that I loved.
I love the feeling of being at peace more than any other feeling. I have to remind myself daily that it’s safe to relax and sometimes I’m not so good at it. But I have so much more peace now because I discovered that safety was something I could have.
I can still kick butt with intensity when I need to – but I don’t need to very much these days…and so, day by day, my mantra is, “it’s safe to relax.” And then I breathe.
I hope that this is one I can pass on to you so you can live through that lens and not have to wait decades to be really ok with breathing. Don’t worry, you won’t lose your ability to produce great results and make things happen. You’ll just be more peaceful while doing it.